


Too Much On the Line

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Dilaudid, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, F/M, Oxycodone, Reader-Insert, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 10:16:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14746931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	Too Much On the Line

Something was wrong. He hated himself for not being able to see exactly what it was. What person didn’t know the one they loved enough to make things better? But how could he? 

With cases being as insane as they were and her schedule at work being out of control, they rarely got the chance to see each other anymore. But whenever they did, he could see changes. When she’d get changed, her body would seem more frail - she’d dropped weight, a decent amount, and her body was starting to push into unhealthy territory. She barely slept, between work and her insomnia, she was up all the time, even though she was tired. Even when they were together, he could feel her twist and turn beside him in the night. When they first started dating, she’d been full of optimism and sunshine, and while he knew she still loved him, she’d been much more apathetic as of late, and he couldn’t figure out why things were changing all of a sudden. They were supposed to be happy. It’s what they both deserved.

He stared down at the phone, angry that her job was once again requiring later hours to get this stupid project done. She needed some time to breathe. Even time to herself if she didn’t want to spend it with him. She just needed a break. It wasn’t fair.

Walking into their bedroom, he unbuttoned his shirt and quickly disrobed, needing to feel a little less restrained from his work outfit. A pair of flannel pajama pants would do the trick. Looking down, he grabbed a pair that he sometimes lent to Y/N because they were so soft. They’d probably fall off her if she tried to wear them right now.

His stomach growled and alerted him to just how hungry he actually was. Despite everything going on, he felt a bit better once he had pajamas on. As he walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, he slipped his hands into his pockets. There was something balled up in the right one. What the hell?

When he pulled it out, his heart ached. It was a cigarette - a half of one anyway. She always said she’d never smoke - not with her family history. 

She was going to regret it if she couldn’t get control and quit soon. They had to talk.

—–

It took nearly a week to get to a point where both of them were in the same place at the same time, but finally, she got out of work early (or rather on time), and he had been able to negotiate with Hotch to leave a few hours earlier because of an emergency he needed to address. 

“Hi love,” he said softly, bending down to kiss her.

It made him feel a bit better, when she responded, leaning into him and sighing contentedly. “I finally got to leave on time.”

Gently, he caressed her cheek and smiled. “I hate your boss.”

“Me too.”

In silence, he prepared a little bit of food and plated it for the two of them, but as soon as Y/N put it down after just a few bites, he realized it was now or never. “Love? When-when did you start smoking cigarettes?”

“Shit.” She put her hand against her face and huffed. “About two months ago. It’s only at work and the occasional one that I blow out of the apartment windows.”

He could see in her eyes that she was disappointed at the fact that she’d even picked up the habit. She knew she was making excuses about the frequency of her new habit. “You always said you’d never smoke.”

“Well, I’m constantly stressed out and I need a way to decompress when I’m at work,” she snapped, resting her head against her knee.

Spencer took a deep breath and approached the subject again. “Believe me, I understand that. If anyone gets that, it’s me. But…” Cigarettes didn’t explain everything. Over the week, he’d thought about it and her symptoms didn’t fit just having the occasional cigarette.

“But what?” Her voice was filled with muted anger.

“I’ve noticed changes in you lately. You’ve lost a lot of weight. You can’t sleep, but you’re always tired. You’re apathetic, with these random bursts of energy and relaxation. It’s more than just ciga-”

Y/N snapped. “No, it’s not. I have the occasional smoke, Spence. That’s it.”

“That’s not it. Don’t lie to me,” he begged. “I’m just sorry I didn’t see it earlier.”

For a few moments, she said nothing. Her lack of words said more than he’d originally thought. “Every now and then I need a pick me up, so what?” She was less and less convinced of her own words as she continued to speak. 

“What kind of-?”

He stopped in his tracks when she reached into her bag on the floor next to her chair and threw him a bottle. “Oxy…Y/N, I-”

“I know! I know it’s ridiculous. I just…I just need something to get me through my days and these help. I have it under control.”

That’s what he’d thought at the time. Dilaudid wasn’t getting in the way. He could still do his job, so of course he was fine. He would’ve given anything for someone to reach out to him back then. She didn’t know about his addiction; it was something he always tried to forget. “I thought I had it under control too.”

“What?” She asked softly. “What are you talking about Spence?” She looked like her world had just collapsed.

Spencer reached his hand up and silently beckoned her closer. When she clasped his hand, he sighed. “Before we ever met, I got kidnapped on a case. Remember me telling you that?”

She nodded and sat down next to him.

“What I didn’t tell you was that the man that kidnapped me also drugged me with Dilaudid for two straight days. When the team found me, I was coming down from a high and I knew Tobias had more of the drug in his pocket. I took it. And I shot up for nearly three months. I thought I had things under control too. But I didn’t. And you’re deluding yourself if you think you have things under control.”

Tears started to fall down her cheeks. “I never…”

“I know,” he said softly. “Because I didn’t want you to, but please, please don’t make the mistakes I did. Let me help you.”

She fidgeted in place. “I don’t know, Spence.”

“Please,” he begged, his voice more forceful. “I didn’t have someone reaching out to me when I needed help. Let me help you.”

“This job requires too much of my time, and I’m not even doing anything important…Spence, I don’t think I can do what I do and make the money I need to make without something.”

“Drugs?” This was just addiction talking and he knew it.

“I don’t know!”

“Whatever I have to do, I will figure out our money situation if that’s what you’re worried about. You can go into your boss and hand him the schedule you will be working, and if he doesn’t agree, you walk out, because your health and your life and not worth this bullshit. That’s too much to put on the line…please,” he said desperately. 

As she started to cry, she shook in his arms. “Okay. Just…be patient with me.”

Anything. This just needed to change.


End file.
